Dear Eros, Katsudon!
by Melody0136
Summary: Valentine's Day. A holiday once intended to honour Saints has instead been dedicated to eight year olds making cheap cards of crayon, glitter glue and greetings written in chicken scratch. Viktor comes home to find his dear husband Yuuri drunk and suggestive. That is all. Kinda crack?


Valentine's Day.

A holiday once intended to honour Saints has instead been dedicated to eight year olds making cheap cards of crayon, glitter glue and greetings written in chicken scratch. For anybody past the legal age of consent, the standards have now been set to a hot date and champagne in a swanky restaurant followed by extraordinarily steamy sex.  
That, or just the champagne accompanied by a night of battling off the feelings of low self worth imposed by society and its low opinion of being single.

Viktor had always been one for alcohol, fine dining and sex. Despite his wealth, there had never been any grand gestures between himself and his many partners as there had never been anybody he felt quite so dedicated to, dedicated enough to put a tangible effort into a single evening of orthodox "romance" and " _love_ ".

There had never been anybody of such significance to Viktor before Yuuri.

Sweet, kind, beautiful Yuuri who always doubted his brilliance and incredible ability to amaze as well as bring Viktor to his knees in awe of his passion and prowess.  
Yuuri who had inspired Viktor wholly and completely and reignited his love for skating.  
Yuuri, whom Viktor loved immeasurably.

Yuuri, whose flushed face was currently two inches from his dick.

" _Whoops_ ," he giggled "how _for_ ward of me." Yuuri sat back on his haunches and steadied himself on the floor with his left hand. His hair was mussed and his breath smelt strongly of a certain ice wine that a certain someone had been determined to hide till he got back home in order to enjoy his evening with his sober husband.

" _Yuuri_ , love, are you drunk?"  
Yuuri pouted playfully and Viktor couldn't tell if it was stupidly cute or seriously sexy.  
"Of course I'm not _drunk_ ," he refuted, "I juss needed a bit of _liquid courage_ to give you an extra special treat tonight!"  
Viktor, now kneeling beside him felt Yuuri's hands fall on his cheeks rather gently as he was pulled forward.

They were nose to nose as Yuuri whispered, as though he were divulging a particularly racy secret,

" _I was going to pole dance for you_."

"..."

Had Viktor's soul ascended yet?

He had to swallow twice- thrice- to ensure that he did not asphyxiate himself with his own saliva and depart from the material world with the biggest regret, and erection, he would probably ever have.

"P...pole dance?"

Yuuri smiled eagerly. "Uh-huh! But, I couldn't buy a pole for the house 'cause that'd look extra sketchy stashed away somewhere, so I called Chris, but, I think he's a little _occupied_ ," he giggled.  
"Right.."  
Apparently Yuuri's alcohol-addled brain took Viktor's bemused silence for one of dejection as all of a sudden he rushed to comfort him.  
"Don't worry _Vitya_ \- I made other plans! The night's not over yet!"

He skipped off to their kitchen as Viktor, frozen on the carpet, parroted after him, "Plans?"

Yuuri returned with one of their more sophisticated trays that they usually reserved for guests.  
Wordlessly, and with a knowing smile inching it's way onto his face, he set the steaming dish in front of Viktor.

"Oh- _Katsudon_?" Yuuri beamed at the surprise in Viktor's voice.  
"But Yuuri, we haven't won any competitions!" It looked absolutely delicious, but Viktor wondered what reason drunk Yuuri could have possibly come up with to break their sacred little tradition.

"Well, I think you deserve it- you've won enough completions to earn an entire lifetime's supply of katsudon. Besides," he leaned forward to brush the hair out of Viktor's left eye, "when I'm with you I'm always winning."

It was probably the corniest line anybody in the history of Viktor's innumerable flirtationships had ever thrown at him, but those words, albeit rather cheesy, sounded so incredibly heartfelt and _genuine_ coming from this beautiful mess of a man that disregarding Yuuri's inebriated state, Viktor felt a warmth like no other blooming in his chest- his heart struggling to find more room to accommodate the immense love and adoration that Yuuri perpetually managed to magic into existence with his unwitting charm and beauty.  
It was also his shirt absorbing the broth he'd clumsily tipped onto himself in light of Yuuri's closeness.

And so they sat right there on the floor, Viktor tucking in heartily with a single " _Vkusno_!" Yuuri watching as his husband enjoyed the dinner he had made tipsily whilst wrecking the kitchen and somehow managing not to burn himself doing so.

"You ate it all." Yuuri had begun to sober up in the duration of Viktor's meal and had realised just how much he served Viktor- more than his mother did, and she dished out food generously.  
"It was too delicious to resist, my love." He groaned, "But I'm so full- I don't think I can move the rest of this evening, let alone ravage you as thanks for the meal and for being your lovely self as usual."

Yuuri blushed- he was definitely sober- "That's not important. While you were out I debated whether _this_ Katsudon or _that_ Katsudon would be a better gift to come home to, and I decided that the entangling of the egg and shimmer of the steaming broth would be more sexually exciting than, say, my fingers in your hair, or my lips on your neck, or wrapped around your cock-"

" _-I think the fuck not_." Viktor concluded that their Valentine's Day would end in cardiac arrest.

Yuuri giggled again- the sound would be the death of Viktor, but with the current image Yuuri had painted, Viktor was fixated on certain other sounds Yuuri made- "Well, tonight's supposed to be a treat, so- _look what I have_."

Oh God, the calories.

Empowermint ice cream- downright delicious, but packed full of chocolate and kcals- "Oh yes, tonight I'm having Ben and Jerry's and Viktor."

"Um, excuse me, do not try and seduce me with lines from Fifty Shades of Grey- I thought we discussed this." Shocking.  
"I'm sorry, babe, it was just the right moment."  
"You're forgiven, but our next season isn't far away- aren't you going to have to work overtime to maintain your weight?" All the food was lovely, but Yuuri knew he gained weight easily, and he was already working so hard- he didn't have exert himself even more over a night of ice cream and pork cutlet just because of some silly holiday.

"Don't worry, I haven't eaten anything all day so I'm sure I can spare the expense. Although, I might be able to work it off with sheer rigorous sex, that is, if you're willing."  
Viktor swallowed the entire spoonful of ice cream and probably would have swallowed the spoon as well if not for the importance of answering Yuuri.

"You sinful succubus- I can't believe you ever had trouble visualising your Eros- unflipping believable."  
"Excuse you- you meant _incubus_."

"Actually, though grammatically incorrect, the sibilance in the phrase 'sinful succubus' emphasises the magnitude of your immoral ways and symbolises the temptation you offer in the way in which it resembles the hissing of a snake- a reptile commonly associated with the embodiment of sin and evil reminiscent of the Devil and his enabling of Original Sin. Therefore, in misgendering you, I've elaborated on just how seductive you are, my spicy Katsudon."

Yuuri swooned, "Oh Viktor, you've already seduced me with your General Certificate of Secondary Education in English- no need to talk so dirty."

"But Yuuri, my love, if I can't use my language qualifications to talk the pants off my husband, what the hell were those five years of bullshit for?" Yuuri could tell Viktor was about to have a major outburst because why the hell are we sat in class for an hour each lesson to read into the meanings of goddamn form and structure and overanalyse word choice in poems and literature in ways that don't fucking make a difference to our daily lives and haunt our sleep in the sheer amount of content we have to learn for every goddamn subj-

"Let's just finish our ice cream, babe. If you're up for it we can get freaky between the sheets later, but the ice cream's melting and I'm not putting this soggy mess back in the freezer."

With that, he shoved a massive spoonful of mint and brownie in Viktor's pouty mouth, and they ate contentedly for the rest of the evening before falling asleep on top of each other, the broth from the Katsudon drying on Viktor's shirt, the ice cream tub and cutlet bowl and spoons abandoned on the tray whilst the two snored the night away as the scent of mint and chocolate slowly dissipated from their breath.

Valentine's Day, when spent with the right person- be it yourself, a friend or someone you love- can result in a rather pleasant night's sleep.


End file.
